1. Intimacy Is Declining
Recall how I mentioned to one of the guys that occasionally a guy would want to brake all the way down and still hang out? And that having sex isn't a must for spending time together? That is true, in my opinion, particularly for males in their 30s and 40s. A man will desire some level of intimacy if he is genuinely interested in you. He'll want to cuddle up and/or hold hands if physical touch is his preferred method of showing affection. If you've had intense and steamy sex in the past, a quick breakup is undoubtedly a little strange. If you have been spending weekends and/or evenings together,and those moments are getting harder to come by.That's also quite peculiar.
2. You Try and Plan the Future. He Doesn’t Want to Think Past Today.
This is a big one right here. Mature and ambitious men like to plan. It's simply who they are. They make professional plans. They make plans for how their Saturdays are gonna go. And, if they want you to be a part of their lives, they're gonna have plans for you as well. Note that I did not say that they are going to try and jump the broom in six months or less. At the same time, what I am saying is they will ask you what you are doing next weekend, they will talk about some upcoming event that they would like to take you to and, when it comes to relationship discussions (so long as they don't transpire every hour on the hour), they won't avoid those at all. They want to build with you, so they are interested in talking about what that looks like.
A guy who is okay with you ending things will try and avoid the future at all costs. Like, when you say something along the lines of, "So, what do you want to do for Valentine's Day?" (in January) and he says something like, "Hmm. Let's just wait and see", while that could mean that he's got a surprise for you,
typically if that's the case, he will say something more like, "I've got that" vs. "Let's just see how things go". See the difference?
Nothing grows if it isn't moving forward. A guy who is more than cool with stagnation is someone who is 1) absolutely not putting you on his agenda (not long-term anyway) and 2) fine with winging it until you get the hint.5. He’s Become the Walking Definition of Passive Aggressive
When I asked the three men who I spoke with to tell me a sign that a man really is getting tired of a relationship, something else that they all mentioned is it's fairly common for a man to become hyper-sensitive. One of the fellas stated, "A lot of us don't look out of the window, pining away at why we're not feeling someone anymore. Sometimes we just are or aren't. But if we're not, we'll start to get irritated; even about the smallest of things." And what that can translate into being is passive-aggressive AF.
Suddenly, whatever you say or do is starting to get under his skin. Sometimes, he might even gaslight you by making you think that the very things that you've always done are suddenly driving him completely up the wall. No one should have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. If you are feeling like you aren't able to fully exhale and be yourself in your relationship, this could be another indication that he's waiting for you to get fed up enough to bounce.
3. You Clicked on This Article Fast AF
While I totally get that some people read articles, simply out of curiosity, oftentimes, when it comes to content like this, it's their subconscious telling them that something just ain't right. Because really—if everything was so awesome in your relationship, why would you be turning your monitor around at work so that no one can tell that you're reading things right now? Exactly.
Look, I'm not saying that all of this means that you need to rush home and break things off. What I am putting on record is two mature individuals should be able to discuss an article like this in order to see where they stand. If you forward this to your guy and you get "crickets", that's another sign that shouldn't be ignored because a man who wants to be in a relationship would be more in the lane of "What did you send me this for?"
In a perfect world, all of us would be upfront and candid. That's just not the way that it is. And since time is oh so very precious, I just thought you should know why some men do what they do and what signs to look out for in the break-up department…so that you won't waste any more moments telling yourself that you don't see what you know that you do. If you see the flags, don't deny them. Don't wait any longer, sis. Handle it.
4. The Communication Is Suddenly on a Surface Level
Boy, am I tired of women—especially Black women—who think taking shots at men—especially Black men—all day long is something to be proud of. One day I'll go deep on how the racists of this world relish in Black men and Black women not being unified; how they completely enjoy our toxic hot takes on how the other gender is nothing more than pure trash (SMDH). That's why I am intentional about making sure I don't sign on to resolves like "men are shallow" or "men are stupid". No, they're not. Men are different from us, yet a lot of them have plenty of depth; especially when they are feelin' someone and they want to get to know them better.
Matter of fact, I was recently talking to a semi-newly divorced man in my life who decided to step out into the online dating scene. Interestingly enough, one of his gripes was the women he was encountering seemed more interested in showing off their looks and talking about surface layer stuff when he wanted to know more about their goals and values. He said, "When I was in college, I didn't really care what the conversation entailed, but when you want something real, you don't want to waste your time on bulls—t."
His point is the point. When a man is trying to build with someone, he values his time with her differently; he wants to know who she really is and what truly makes her tick. On the other hand, if he's ready to end things (or he's fine with the relationship staying just where it is), he can stay on the not-very-deep level, basically because there are no plans for things to go anywhere beyond where they currently are anyway.
5. He Has Less Time for You (and the Relationship)
Those who know me know that I'm not big on the whole "men are hunters" thing. I am not a deer and I wouldn't want someone tracking me down like prey. From a biblical perspective, when you look at the first romantic relationship in the Bible, Adam wasn't a hunter; he was a gardener. He didn't chase his wife down either; she was brought to him by God (Genesis 2:18-25). So, all of this "a man has to kill himself to get my attention" mantra is ridiculous. To me. At the same time, what I will say is men tend to know what they want and what truly interests them, they will most certainly make time for. It's not about whether or not they have the time; again, it's about the fact that they will make it.
I don't care how many jobs he's got, how much traveling he does or how much is on his to-do list, if he's totally into you, he's gonna figure it out. For the record, him figuring it out may not always be in the same way or on the same schedule as you had in mind. Still, he will make sure to let you know that you are some type of priority in his life. If you're not feeling that he's doing just that…yeah, that's not good.
6. He’s Become the Walking Definition of Passive Aggressive
When I asked the three men who I spoke with to tell me a sign that a man really is getting tired of a relationship, something else that they all mentioned is it's fairly common for a man to become hyper-sensitive. One of the fellas stated, "A lot of us don't look out of the window, pining away at why we're not feeling someone anymore. Sometimes we just are or aren't. But if we're not, we'll start to get irritated; even about the smallest of things." And what that can translate into being is passive-aggressive AF.
Suddenly, whatever you say or do is starting to get under his skin. Sometimes, he might even gaslight you by making you think that the very things that you've always done are suddenly driving him completely up the wall. No one should have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. If you are feeling like you aren't able to fully exhale and be yourself in your relationship, this could be another indication that he's waiting for you to get fed up enough to bounce.