Although I would never wish anxiety on anyone, I can't help but be grateful that she is aware of my struggles.
Although I've always been anxious, I've never dated someone who understands it before.
I know the hurt and frustration that comes from your significant other not understanding your situation, not knowing how to help you, or just not caring. I've had my mental illness questioned and urged to "get my shit together."
Even though everyone experiences anxiety differently and no two people's experiences are same, I've discovered that my conversations with my current partner about anxiety are thoughtful, compassionate, and complex.
Although I would never wish anxiety on anyone, I can't help but be grateful that she is aware of my struggles.
Some of the reasons I'm appreciative that my partner has anxiety are as follows.
1. We are aware of how to support one another in tense times and circumstances.
In addition to specific advice, there are universal tools that anyone can use or recommend, like visualization and breathing exercises.
For instance, I get thrilled to tell my partner about a resource I've found that helps me control my anxiety. I am in a unique position to truly help her at her worst moments because I understand her and I understand anxiety, and vice versa.
2. We don’t question each other’s feelings
Anxiety can be hard to understand when you don’t live with it. I can always count on my girlfriend to validate my experience, because she knows what anxiety feels like — and that it’s very real.
We may not always understand why the other person is anxious, but we never question the anxiety itself. That alone is so validating and comforting.
3. We can separate the anxiety from the person
When anxiety takes over, you aren’t being yourself — not in your truest form.
My partner and I have both said and done things in an anxious state that we wouldn’t have otherwise. We empathize with the other when they’re acting through anxiety, and know that anxiety is the bad guy — not the other person.
4. We prioritize self-care
Movie night in? Epsom salt bath? Alone time to journal and read? Yes, please!
Our dates (and alone time) often revolve around rejuvenation, as we are both very anxious people (if I haven’t made that clear already) with busy schedules. If we have too many expectations or try to cram our time with activities, our mental health can take a serious toll.
So, self-care is always at the top of the list.
With all of this being said, I don’t think that people with anxiety need to pair up with others with anxiety. We’re normal people, after all! And are capable of being with anyone, regardless of whether they live with anxiety or not.
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