I really don't want a divorce... but I'm broken

 I'm so pained, broken and frus.trated. I'm an only child who was raised alone by her mum. I don't really have much friends and I'm somewhat introverted.

One of the main reasons I wanted to get married is to have a companion, a friend and a brother to at least have someone by my corner. 

I got married last year and it's been heell🔥!! My husband stays days, sometimes weeks without speaking to me, he expl0des at the slightest misunderstanding. He isn't accountable to me, locks his phones and hides them each time we're together, if I express displeasure, he'll cease communication and I'll keeping begging for days even when he's at fault because it wears me out.

He hasn't given me a dime since this year because of financial constraint and I've been the one shouldering 98 percent of the responsibilities at home. 

This wouldn't have been a big deal if this man was loving and caring. I've given my all in this marriage and I feel broken.

I didn't have a good childhood. I know the effect of single parenting and I know the trau.ma of being raised up alone. I really don't want a divorce... but I'm broken.

 This has been the loneliest time of my life. He made me delete contacts of the few male friends in my space. I don't even know his password but he knows mine. I even found out he cloned my WhatsApp at a time. 

How do you suspect me when my life is from work to church and back home.., This is someone who just drives off when he gets pissed without any information and never comes back. 

If I get @ngry, he'll report me to his parents and they'll keep saying I'm too inquisitive, that I should leave my husband to go wherever he wants to go and that if I don't stop, I'll scatter my marriage my self. I'm honestly broken.

I Can't even tell my mum all these because she lives in a different city. I don't want to entertain any ne-ga-tive thoughts, I reported the issue to our pastor, he declined answering him. I don't sleep well at night.

I'm sooo 💔 bro-ken.. I don't know what to do.. will it get better? Or am I just wasting my time and chasing shadows. Please help me. Please.

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