Despite the fact that I had no control over my illness, I felt as though I had ruined the relationship.
It's been said more than once that dating someone with a chronic disease is preferable since they will ultimately become a burden on you.
I understand; I have a chronic condition myself. It can be easier to date someone who does not have a chronic illness since you can remain ignorant about some illnesses, you are not required to provide emotional support when needed, and you do not have to witness your loved one's illness.
However, I find it offensive to insinuate that those who suffer from chronic illnesses are a burden.
Since receiving a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis, I have been in two relationships and suffer from inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).
In the initial relationship, I did feel heavy-lifted. For the first year that we were together, I was unaware that I had the condition.
We were unaware of my true level of illness till I required emergency surgery later on.
Despite the fact that I had no control over my illness, I felt as though I had ruined the relationship.
And he wasn't at all supportive, even though he didn't leave me until six years later. During those years, I felt horrible about asking him to accompany me to every hospital appointment, but he refused. Every time I had to postpone plans because I wasn't feeling well, I felt like I was letting him down.
And he wasn't at all supportive, even though he didn't leave me until six years later. During those years, I felt horrible about asking him to accompany me to every hospital appointment, but he refused. Every time I had to postpone plans because I wasn't feeling well, I felt like I was letting him down.
When the steroids I was taking caused me to acquire a lot of weight, I felt like a failed girlfriend. I decided not to be a burden on him, so I stopped asking for anything from him and even stopped discussing my chronic condition with him.
But it was only his callous response to my difficulties that made me feel like a burden.
You anticipate support from the person you are with when you receive a life-altering diagnosis.
You count on them to support and adore you when you need it. You anticipate having them as your best friend. You anticipate that they will support you emotionally because living with a chronic illness can have a negative impact on your mental well-being.
However, dating someone who has a chronic illness is not the only way to experience any of these things; they are all quite reasonable expectations in a relationship.
I recognize that some individuals may be afraid to date someone who has health issues, but this is only because there are a lot of misconceptions about it.
People often assume they must become caregivers, although that is not necessary. All we need are regular relationships with people who can provide love and care.
I, like with many others who suffer from chronic illnesses, have had to learn how to be quite independent.
People letting us down is nothing new to us. Because we're accustomed to feeling that we're the ones who let people down, we learn to cope with this by taking care of ourselves and trying to hide our misery because we're afraid of becoming a burden.
When I separated from my first partner, I no longer felt that my chronic illness was a reason to ruin our relationship.
I had all of the typical feelings: self-blame, wondering how I could have prevented the split, and how the relationship might have been mended by me. I thought for a very long time that maybe it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't constantly ill.
Perhaps it wouldn't have, too.
But I came to the conclusion that I didn't need a relationship if someone couldn't be with me due to a chronic health issue.
Even when I realized this, though, I was still afraid to go on dates. I remember waiting a few weeks to tell my current partner—who also happens to be my baby's father—about my medical issue.
That's a different matter entirely. You feel compelled to give them the choice to end things before you've even begun dating, so you feel like you have to tell them right away.